And caring can lead to concerns. Concerns about what they’re doing and how they’re doing it, when they’re doing it and who they’re doing it with, how circumstances are affecting them, and what may happen in the future, etc., etc.
Sometimes the list can get pretty long, can’t it? I know it sure can for me.
When Concern Becomes A Challenge
OK. Concern is natural and it’s not a problem in itself — when it’s only about being interested. When concern becomes a challenge is when it morphs into worry, frustration, unwanted advice-giving, blame, and guilt. That’s where EFT can be such a help. Tapping on those feelings can make you much more comfortable. And it can clear up stumbling blocks that come between you and the people you love.
But look. Often those feelings are just cover-ups. So you don’t get much relief when you tap on them, or they show up again really soon. That’s because at the bottom of your uncomfortable feelings about your concern is the feeling of helplessness – that you can’t fix it or fix them. Helplessness. That’s what those feelings are cover-ups for. Ugghh. My LEAST favorite feeling in the world. Actual powerlessness. The things that we cannot change. That we really have no control over.
So you’re frantically searching for the right answer, and the best way to tell them. You’re thinking about what you want to knock them over the head with, or how you want to coax them. Ever been there? Maybe you’re even arguing with other people who are close to them about who’s got the best idea.
It happens to all of us – when a child leaves home, when a couple splits up, when there’s illness, when aging parents lose abilities. Sometimes we take this out on each other and there are really crummy consequences in families and between friends.
It doesn’t have to be like this. Tapping on this helplessness at the root of things can really shift things – at least for you.
How To Tap
Here is a tapping script to get you started. Start with your set-up (use either your sore spot on your chest or your karate chop point):
- Even though I have these concerns and I’m feeling upset, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
- Even though I’m concerned about them and what’s going on, I want to accept myself and my feelings.
- Even though I keep thing about their situation and I’m feeling uncomfortable, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
Now let’s start with the truth — where you are right now with your uncomfortable feelings. Just tap around the points.
- I’m really concerned about them.
- Why can’t things be different?
- I am worried and frustrated about this whole situation.
- It would be so much better if only. If only this. If only that.
- I can’t believe how much I think about them and what’s going on.
- I keep trying to find the right solution.
- I think about what they should and how I should tell them and what to do after that.
- It’s exhausting.
- I talk to other people and it doesn’t always help. Sometimes it’s worse!
- I don’t know what to do for them and I hate that feeling.
- But maybe it’s not up to me to fix it.
- I don’t like the feeling that I can’t make it better.
- This helpless feeling. It just feels awful.
- I don’t want to just give up.
- If I accept this helpless feeling, it feels like that’s what I’m doing. Giving up.
Now let’s shift to some positive possibilities:
- Maybe there’s another way. Maybe I don’t have to fix it and I don’t have to give up hope.
- What if I could accept the fact that it’s not up to me to make everything OK.
- What if it’s OK that I’m not in charge of their life?
- I choose to hold onto all the love I have for them.
- I choose to hold onto all the good desires I hold for them.
- And I choose to gently let go of the drive to fix things.
- I am keeping my interest in their well-being.
- And gently letting go of the fears that I have for them.
- I choose to love them and their choices for themselves.
- I choose to respect their choices, even if they’re different from mine.
- I want the best for them, but I don’t know exactly what that is.
- That’s OK – I’m not a fortune teller.
- I choose peace of mind for myself.
- I choose to honor the path they choose for themselves.
- We’re too separate beings with two separate lives.
- I love the feeling of supporting them with love.
- I always have the power to extend love.
- That’s where I choose to focus my thoughts.
- What’s the best way for me to show them love right now?
- Now there’s a question I can find an answer to.
- And that feels great!
How Did That Feel?
Let us know how your tapping went, and leave a comment below.
If this is a deeper issue for you, I’d love to help you come to more peace of mind. Contact me and let’s talk about what’s going on and how I can help.