EFT And Letting Go Of Impatience With Yourself

You should be done with that by now! Ever tell yourself that? Most of us do at one time or another. Sometimes because we’ve been procrastinating. Or maybe we started something without the skills or information we really need to get it done.

How It Shows Up

See if you recognize any of these real life scenarios as something you might do:

  • a coach was mad at himself for missing a networking event for the third month in a row
  • a consultant was annoyed because she hadn’t resolved details of her mother’s estate
  • a healing practitioner scolded herself for stalling on creating a separate business phone line
  • a teacher ridiculed himself for still being interested in his ex-wife’s dating activities

So here’s what happens when you have something like this going on. You can see a logical solution to the problem. Right? Something you can DO. And you keep trying to get yourself to do that thing. That’s what logic tells you is the answer.

Wrong! The root of the problem is an emotional one – not a logical one. So it needs to be addressed with an emotional tool. And EFT is perfect for that. Great! There’s hope for a solution.

Tapping Slow-Down

Once you’re tapping, this self-blame can slow you down. I know I’ve written about this anger at yourself before. But this “shouldn’t I be done” anger is in a special zone all its own. I see it again and again. It can create big resistance to releasing the core issue.

Sometimes the release is slow right from the beginning. But often, clients get off to a good start — their emotional intensity is dropping at a good rate. Then they stall out about halfway through the session. The culprit? This special flavor of self-blame.

Here are some subconscious forms it can take:

  • If I could get over this, I would have by now. I obviously can’t get over it, so I’m not going to release it.
  • I should be punished because this has gone on for so long, so hanging onto this issue is my punishment.
  • I put off getting help for this when I knew I needed it, so this is the price I have to pay – holding onto my problem.
  • I know logically what I should have done a long time ago. I didn’t do it, so I need to suffer.

What To Do

You can tap directly on the issue of blaming yourself for not being done yet. Or just work the phrasing into your setup statements. For example:

  • Even though I’m reluctant to let go of this divorce grief because I should be over it by now, I want to love myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m resistant to clearing any more of this networking fear because I should have taken care of it 3 months ago, I want to respect myself and accept my feelings.
  • Even though it feels impossible to clear this issue, and maybe I’ve gone as far as I deserve to because I’m a procrastinator, I want to love all parts of me anyway.

Let us know how this works for you — leave a comment below.


  • Right on Janet. Many clients get stuck in a pattern of beating themselves up for what they haven’t done yet. EFT is great tool for releasing this and beginning to refocus on the NOW. Thanks for sharing your wisdom Janet.

  • Love that refocusing on the NOW, Paul, and appreciating ourselves.

  • Rod Sherwin

    I always pay careful attention when one of my clients (or I) says “should”. It means that there is a rule there about something and yes it’s quite often subconscious. I love to play around while tapping with words such as “Even thought I keep ‘shoulding’ all over myself, …”.

    From an energy medicine view, shoulds tend to live in the 3rd chakra, the one in the solar plexus. This is where our identity and the rules that make up that identity are defined. Notice how you feel at the though of not doing what you think you should and quite often you will feel it in the solar plexus or you will collapse in your centre.

    You can use EFT to focus on the chakra with words like “Even though I feel this ‘should’ in my 3rd chakra, …”, or “Even though I feel this ‘should’ in my gut, …”, or “Even though this ‘should’ was defined at the age of 6 when my mother said … I choose to acknowledge and recognise this rule and the benefit it served at the time. As an adult, I now take on the responsibility for defining my own rules.”

  • I like the combo of chakra work and EFT, Rod. Thanks for the suggestions on how to directly focus on the issue that way. So many possibilities with EFT. Isn’t it great?

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