Who is in your life that you have some guilt about? Guilt with a Capital G, or just nagging little guilts? Our culture promotes guilt as kind of a good thing to keep us operating inside moral guidelines. And most of us do experience some degree of guilt.
So What’s The Problem With Guilt?
There are a couple of downsides to guilt. First, it feels crummy. It doesn’t exactly put a smile on your face, does it?
And second, it can have big negative effects on relationships. You behave differently with a person when you feel guilt towards them. Maybe you’re saying, “Not me. They don’t know I feel guilty.” And perhaps you’re right—they may not be able to put their finger on exactly what the dynamic is. But guilt still affects the relationship.
These effects can be obvious or really subtle. Do any of these sound familiar:
- You feel guilty because you don’t spend as much time with your son as you want to. Result: You let him stretch limits on family rules. Then you’re annoyed, but will feel guiltier if you enforce the rules.
- You feel guilty that you’re always late when you meet your friend. Result: You keep a little distance at the start of every visit to see if she’s mad at you or not.
- You feel guilty for standing up for yourself to a family member. Result: You’re worried that they’re mad at you so you’re a little stand-offish to protect yourself against possible criticism.
So What’s The Answer?
Can you see in the examples how guilt creates distance in relationships? Using EFT to eliminate your guilt can restore the closeness of your connections. Tapping away guilt helps bring the relationship back into the present, so it’s fresh and clear.
But I SHOULD Feel Guilty
Maybe you’re afraid that using EFT on guilt will leave you with no conscience. You’ll just be a sociopath with no morals or ethics whatsoever. Well, EFT doesn’t work that way. It only releases the excesses of emotions.
It won’t eliminate compassion for the other person — or your knowledge that you did something you don’t like. And it won’t erase whatever wisdom you gained from doing the thing you regret. But it does neutralize those unwanted feelings that cause you to feel bad about yourself and cautious around the other person.
How To Tap
Start by clearing limiting beliefs or fears about releasing the guilt, like those I just mentioned above. Then use EFT to clear the incident connected with your guilt, and the feeling of guilt itself. Be sure to tap away any self-blame connected with it.
Watch For Differences
You’ll be surprised at how your relationship will change. You’ll be more relaxed. And more spontaneous. Your subconscious won’t have to weigh your next move against your guilt each time to determine your next step. It’s a great feeling – try it out!
Let us know how it goes for you. We’d love to hear your comments.
And if you get in over your head, or just want an outside experienced perspective, I’d love to work with you on your challenge. contact me for a free consult to discuss possibilities for going deeper with EFT.