EFT About People You Love

love-full2This challenge showed up with a client yesterday, so I dusted off a topic from last year to remind us all about how tricky it can be to do EFT about the people we’re closest to.

Resentment and hurt and love are often tangled up together. So when you tap on an issue with these ingredients, you might struggle. Sometimes it’s a challenge to release old pain and anger. Examining the love connection can bring the solution.

The Irony Of It All

When you love someone, their actions and words have a bigger impact on you. So it’s easier to feel hurt or angry with a loved one than with someone you don’t care about. Right? It’s much simpler to just blow off a difficult interaction with a person who doesn’t mean much to you.

But when your heart is connected to someone, hurt and anger can result more often. And they can hang around longer, too. That’s why you’re tapping on them – because you’re still carrying them around. So it’s a little ironic that the people you care about the most can contribute heavily to your list of tapping issues.

Hard To Release

Over and over again, folks show resistance to letting go of old issues with loved ones. It could be a spouse, a kid, a parent, a sibling, a good friend – anybody you’re really close to.

Let me be clear – the resistance is not a conscious thing. You can be eager to let go of an old grudge. You can be excited at the prospect of healing some old wound. And STILL have a hard time releasing it.

It’s The Love

Love is the reason for the hidden resistance. A fear of losing that love, or losing your connection to someone can slow EFT down. Some part of you can be afraid that to let the problem go is to let your whole connection go. And you’re not about to do that!

Even if it’s always been a rocky relationship. Even if your brother was always mean to you. Even if a parent was abusive to you. Your heart doesn’t want to lose the core love you have for them, underneath all the negative junk. So your mind-body-energy system can say, “Forget about releasing anything. I don’t want to take a chance. I’m not gonna rock this boat.”

What To Do

It’s so easy to address this when you’re tapping. Just acknowledge it in your setup phrase. For example:

  • Even though I’m afraid to let go of this anger because I don’t want to lose my love for Bob, I love and accept myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m concerned that if I release this pain, I’ll lose my connection with my mom, and it’s a shaky connection to begin with…..
  • Even though it feels risky to let go of this old grudge, I want to trust myself to hold onto the good parts of our relationship.

Secret Tapping Weapon

Just assume there’s some resistance like this lurking in any old issue with a loved one. Make it a habit. Build in a setup phrase like one of the above examples– right from the beginning of your session. It can save you a lot of tapping time and frustration.

Try this yourself and report back to us on how it goes. Just leave a comment below.

And if you want some outside experienced help with this, I’d love to work with you on your challenge. Contact me for a free consult to discuss possibilities for going deeper with EFT.

  • Hey Janet,

    Very wise words: “Resistance is not a conscious thing. You can be eager to let go of an old grudge. You can be excited at the prospect of healing some old wound. And STILL have a hard time releasing it.”

    So many people get confused about this – why would I feel this way? (anger, shame, etc) I like to explain that it’s our nervous that gets confused. EFT clears the confusion and allows us to start acting in more conscious manner.

    Thanks for your insight Janet!

  • That’s exactly it, Paul — EFT clears the confusion. What a gift!

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