Speaking from (way too much) personal experience, I know how it feels to be critical of other people — not so great. Even if I’m feeling so right about it all! It’s still a crummy feeling to experience. And it doesn’t change a darn thing except making me feel worse. So I want to pass on what I’ve learned about how to tap away those critical feelings.
Why We Do It
The first thing to realize is that this habit of being judgmental serves a positive purpose down deep. Yes. Just like any unwanted behavior, it has its roots in somehow keeping you safe. Our body-minds are these miracle machines that devise all kinds of ways to keep us safe. So sometimes they get a little twisted up or stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. But it’s important to acknowledge that being judgmental has served a vital purpose.
So the trick is to look at what’s underneath the thoughts and behavior of being critical. What’s the emotional driver behind the reaction of being judgmental? Because that’s all it is — a reaction. And it can be pretty automatic. But when you dig underneath the reaction, that’s where you’ll find the treasure that you can tap on to release the habit.
Looking At Motivation
The next thing to think about is your motivation for wanting to be less judgmental. Because it’s going to make a big difference in whether you can release it or not.
Here’s what I mean: You can seek to not be judgmental because it feels like a spiritual thing to do or you go after it because you’ll be a better person. Sorry to report that in my experience, trying to change your inner landscape to be a better person doesn’t hold up. It’s not sustainable. What about the day when you don’t give a rip about being a better person? Then what happens? If you go to change this judgmental thing because you want to be a better person, you could have a lot of resistance to giving it up. Because it’s there for a reason. Remember this reaction is there to somehow help you feel safe.
That’s why it’s so helpful to look underneath and look down at the base of it. What is this judgment really about? That’s where the healing opportunity lies. That’s where EFT can help.
Here’s where we want to go looking for the way in – the doorway for change. The way to shine the light on the challenge so you can see the truth about it and then release it. Because your spirit is always alive and well underneath the junk.
So you don’t have to go after being more spiritual or being a better person. You’re already the best. Your highest self can shine through when you clear the junk out of the way. So don’t be afraid to ask these deeper questions and investigate a little bit. It is so worth the time and effort.
That’s where you come up with the perfect stuff to let go of with the help of EFT. Once you clear it out of the way, your highest self – that better person – naturally steps up to run the show.
Ask yourself: What is the problem underneath that has me thinking and maybe acting in a critical way? I’m feeling some fear. That’s logical – right? If I’m concerned about feeling safe, there’s some form of fear operating. And most fears are either about concern of losing what I have or concern that I won’t get something I want.
So you can just break it down like this and see what feels real for you. What is feeling scary in this situation with this person? It doesn’t have to be like oooohh scary – but just an honest look at “What’s my cause for concern here?”
Let’s work with the scenario of feeling judgmental when there’s a familiar target for your critical feelings. There’s one person or a group that you often feel judgmental about. Maybe it’s a political group. Or your family. Or an age group. Or government workers. Or an ethnic group. Or the people at church.
Tapping To Clear The Challenge
If you’re ready to start tapping now, let’s start with the setup:
Even though I’m feeling really critical, I want to love myself anyway, because I’m doing the best I can.
Even though I don’t like what they’re doing and I have a lot of judgment about that, I want to respect my feelings.
Even though I feel critical and judgmental and it’s really uncomfortable, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
And now some tapping rounds on the problem:
- There are things about them I just don’t like.
- I don’t see how they can be like that.
- They really need to change.
- I wish they could just see how they are.
- I’m sure they would change if they could see how they are.
- It drives me nuts.
- They’re always like that.
- Nobody should be like that.
- Why can’t they see what’s wrong with them? They must be blind?
- I don’t know why I should put up with it.
- I don’t know why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
- What if I lose something because of how they are?
- What if they influence me in a negative way?
- What if they are a reflection of some part of me I don’t like?
- What if they show me something I don’t want to avoid?
- What if feeling critical is just easier than feeling sad or afraid?
- What if I just don’t want to feel helpless?
- Oh forget it! I don’t care about that stuff. It would be much easier if they would just change.
- I know exactly what’s wrong with them and what they should change.
- All this judgment.
- I hate when I feel like this.
- I’m so critical.
- Maybe I can’t let go of this habit.
- Maybe I don’t deserve to let go of it because I’m such a critical person. Maybe this discomfort is my payback from the universe.
- I don’t like this part of myself.
- I’m so judgmental.
- I can’t believe the stuff I say about them.
- I want to be a better person than this.
- I’m just glad people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
- I’m so darn critical.
OK. Stop tapping now. And if that tapping you did with the questions brought some stuff up for you that identifies a fear or two, write those down and tap on those fears or sadness or helplessness. That will be a great focus for some more tapping to really clear things out.
Tapping In The Positive
Now let’s move on to tap in some positive things. Here’s the setup:
Even though I still have some of the critical feeling left, I’m starting to let go, and I appreciate myself for that.
Even though a part of me is holding onto some judgmental feelings, another part is releasing them, and I want to love and accept both parts.
Even though I still feel a little judgmental, I’m choosing to let that go and that feels great.
And now for the tapping:
- This remaining critical feeling — I want to let it go now.
- It’s just not serving me so I want to release it.
- Wait a minute – I can’t suddenly love everything everybody does.
- I would feel like a phony.
- Maybe there’s a middle ground here.
- Maybe I could notice things without getting upset about it.
- I want to consider releasing this judgmental feeling.
- I’m choosing to release the fear underneath – whatever that is.
- I’m choosing to accept that other people have different ideas.
- I’m making a choice to value my ideas and let other people value theirs.
- I realize that I have no idea what’s in other people’s hearts.
- So I choose to relax and make my choices.
- I don’t have to get angry and condemn other people.
- I choose peace of mind for myself. It’s an option, and I’m voting yes on that.
- I’m choosing to let go of this critical mindset.
- I can be comfortable with my choice without making them wrong.
- I’m choosing a different approach to evaluating people and ideas. And that really feels good.
So those are some ways you can tap to help with releasing feeling critical of other people. Add in your own tapping phrases that apply to your specific situation. And leave a comment to let us know how the tapping goes for you.
And if you want some outside experienced help with this, I’d love to work with you on your challenge. Contact me for a free consult to discuss possibilities for going deeper with EFT.