At this time of year, it’s easy to slip into remembering someone who is not around — and it’s not always a good feeling. That’s where tapping can help out.

The point of using EFT for missing somebody is not to let go of the person, but to let go of the heaviness of missing them – the sadness and sorrow that weigh your heart and spirit down.

If you’re blaming yourself or feeling guilty, those emotions anchor other emotions like sadness or sorrow so they’re hard to release. So get rid of the self-blame first.

Another part of working with this issue is that there is a bittersweet element to missing someone. And people don’t want to let go of the sweet part. So they hang onto all of it — which includes the heaviness and sorrow. It’s not an either/or situation where you either erase them from your mind or you hang on to the heartache part of missing them. There’s another option.

Or maybe you’re afraid you’ll forget the person – that they won’t enter your mind. Then there’s some guilt about even considering that possibility. So the sadness is anchored there by guilt and self-blame.

Here are some ways to tap to release the negative aspects of missing someone.

How To Tap On This

Setup (karate chop point)

• Even though I’m really missing them and it’s weighing me down, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
• Even though I really miss them and it makes me sad that they’re not here, I want to respect my feelings and who I am.
• Even though I miss the heck out of them and sometimes it really hurts, I still want to love and accept myself, because I’m doing the best I can with this – just like I always do.

Tapping – The Challenge (tap around all the points)

• I really miss them.
• There’s nobody like them. And there never will be.
• I wish it could have been different. There were things I should have done. There were things I should have said. And now it’s too late.
• I feel so sad when I think about it.
• We were so close and now they’re not here.
• I just want to curl in on myself. I miss them so much.
• It’s like heavy cloud of dark feelings.
• It’s weighing down my heart.
• It’s weighing down my spirit.
• I don’t know if I’ll ever feel different.
• I just want them to be here with me.
• And I know that can’t happen.
• It isn’t fair. I don’t know why this is happening to me.
• Maybe it’s my fault.
• When something reminds me of them, I just miss them so much.
• I’m afraid I’ll forget about them. And they’re so important to me.
• I wish they were here with me now.
• I really, really miss them.
• It makes me so sad to think of how much I miss them.
• Nobody can really know how this feels.

OK. Now you’ve moved out some of the negative junk, and of course if there’s more left, continue tapping on it. When you’re ready, move on to tapping some more positive phrases.

Setup (karate chop point)

• Even though I still have a little sorrow left in missing them, I’m starting to release it and that feels great.
• Even though a part of me is still holding onto some sorrow and pain about missing them, another part of me has let it go, and I appreciate both parts.
• Even though I’m still a little sad about missing them, I’m choosing to release the sadness and heartache. I’m choosing to focus on our good times. And I still love all parts of me.

Tapping Towards the Positive (tap around all the points)

• The disappearing sadness about them.
• The last bit of regret about them.
• I’m choosing to keep them here in my heart.
• I’m choosing to stay connected to the joy of them.
• Any last bit of sorrow -
• I’m making a conscious choice to let it heal.
• I choose freedom from pain.
• I choose to laugh when I think of them.
• I can feel my heart smiling when I remember them.
• It’s such a comfort to have them here with me.
• I allow myself to release the last of the regret.
• I can feel that old self-blame slip away.
• I choose the good stuff.
• I love remembering them and the good times we had together.
• It puts a smile on my face to think of them.
• I do miss them, but it’s in a whole new way.
• My heart feels so light when I think of them now.
• I’m so grateful for the time we had together.
• And I know our connection will always be strong.
• I love it when I think of them now.

Leave a comment and let us know how this works for you!

Smoothing the Path for Creating Changes

These are some common issues that show up to create problems when you’re making changes. Listen and tap along to let go of the resistance that makes change so hard.

(Just click on the white arrow in the black circle of the player below.)

Let us know how this works for you by leaving a comment below.

How To Tap for More Effective Ways To Deal with Conflict

If you find yourself avoiding conflict, this radio episode of Moving Forward with EFT is for you. Listen to a discussion about the reasons behind it. Then tap along to release some blocks so you can deal with conflict in a way that works better for you.

Then come back and let us know what you think by posting a comment below.

Here are some tips for tapping to help with dealing with those difficult people in your life. These are tried and true techniques that can make a real difference in how your next meeting with them goes. So take a listen and tap along with this podcast:

Listen to
internet radio with JANET HILTS on Blog Talk Radio

Let us know how this works for you. Do you have any tips of your own to share? Leave a comment to let us know.

Being gentle with yourself feels good. And it sounds like a good idea to strive for some day. But do you know that it’s also a very practical tool?

I’ll tell you why I know this is true in this short video.

I have been talking about motivation and also about self blame. Now here’s where these two topics come together: using self kindness as a strategy.

I’m not suggesting it just because it feels good to be kind to yourself (although it does). Nor because it’s a great spiritual practice to use self kindness (although it is).

I’m suggesting self kindness as a strategy for moving ahead – either for personal devleopment or as a business strategy. It works for whatever your focus is and here’s why:

Self kindness saves time and energy, leaving you more of both for what you really want to do.

If you’re NOT gentle with yourself, you lose momentum every time something goes wrong or doesn’t go the way you want it to.

• Criticizing yourself takes head time: all your thoughts about what you did wrong, what you should have done instead, etc.
• Criticizing yourself takes heart time: all the crummy feelings about yourself.
• And your focus turns totally inward.

To pull out of this state takes even more time and energy — recovery time to get your head turned around, to open your heart back up and feel better emotionally, and to turn outward again.

Self kindness, on the other hand, leaves you buoyant – with plenty of energy to focus outward and keep moving. It subtracts nothing from you to be kind to yourself. It doesn’t use up energy; it increases it. And the vibe it creates is contagious.

My point is that it’s highly practical as a strategy. So I hope you’ll consider using self-kindess — deliberately.

Stay tuned for some tips on using EFT to help you with. In the meantime, what do you think? Let’s hear it in the comments.

I love the word “oops.” It just feels good. And it sounds kind of funny — like comic book-y funny, doesn’t it? Oops!

Even a little musical with that upward lilt at the end.

I was thinking about what power there really is in that tiny word. Choosing oops as a response sends you in a direction that opens up. Like, “Oops, I goofed. Time to move on. What’s next?” I love the lightness I feel when I say that.

That’s so different from getting stuck in being mad and self-critical about what happened. And it’s definitely a shift away from going all dramatic and tragic about it. With oops, you don’t close in on yourself and stay stuck in looking at what went bad or how you were wrong. Oops keeps you open-hearted.

“Oops! Not what I want to do” automatically leads to thinking of what options will work – what you DO want to do. It lets you easily look for new possibilities. You don’t shut down with negativity. Your creativity and intuition stay afloat and at your service. Oops keeps you open-minded.

“Oops, I forgot – I’m not doing that anymore” registers on an emotional level as a simple mistake – not the end of the world. The gentleness and lightness of it encourages you to do the new thing instead. Oops keeps you open-spirited.

It may seem subtle, but oops has a lot of power in it – power to keep you moving in the direction you want to go, in a forward trajectory. It eliminates:

• the urge to crawl into a hole of self-blame
• the need to uncover your huge underlying personal problem behind your mistake
• feeling deadly serious about everything that goes wrong
• temptation to add this to the list of your other wrongs (how can you accumulate oopses?)

And oops is a great overwhelm reducer. I mean seriously… oops and overwhelm don’t even belong in the same room together.

It may not be trendy, but I think it’s a powerful four-letter word. What do you think? Leave a comment!

(If you’d rather listen, turn up your speakers and click the arrow.)

When it’s hard to get started, finding incentive can turn into a huge project in itself. Know what I mean? Now you’ve got another thing on your to-do list: Dig up a way to get motivated.

Well, I’ve discovered a secret: If I listen to my inner chatter about why I’m NOT motivated, I can find the keys to get moving right there. Here are the steps to do that:

1. Write Down The Blocks

Start by listening to your reasons and objections to getting moving. Don’t just yell at them or ignore them. Drop the self-blame for a minute.
Hear them with genuine curiosity. That approach helps your ideas and creativity expand – which they really can’t when you’re closed down with being mad at yourself.

So ask yourself: Why aren’t I starting right now? Then write down the answers – just a quick list – no big deal.

2. Find A New Perspective

Look at each reason for a way it can inspire you. It’s really pretty easy. By reframing it you can actually create motivation. Let me give you my own example.

Say my problem is I can’t get started writing this post. So I listen to what my reasons are and write them down. Next I look for the new point of view inside them. Like this:

• Reason: Afraid mine won’t be as good as another post I read this morning.
• Shift: I can aspire to be as informative as the other writer. How can I do that? (motivation)
• Reason: I have other things I want to do instead.
• Shift: The sooner I finish this, the sooner I can move on to those other things (motivation)
• Reason: I don’t feel like writing on the topic I planned to write on.
• Shift: That’s OK. I don’t have to feel like it to do it. I just forgot that. Whew! Don’t have to generate unstoppable enthusiasm first => less pressure now (motivation).
• Reason: Other people crank out blog posts effortlessly. What’s the matter with me?
• Shift: Nothing is wrong with me. Here are the facts: (a) I’m not primarily a blogger. I’m a coach. (b) Lots of people have challenges creating blog posts. Whole businesses have been built around that fact. I have tools created by those businesses. I could use them now. Oh yeah – I forgot. I have resources and I’m not alone (motivation).

So instead of telling that voice to shut up, or yelling over it with affirmations, listen to it instead for possibilities. Listen with gentle curiosity.

3. Use EFT To Clear And Affirm

If you’re still stalling, go ahead and use basic EFT to help yourself.

• Clear: Use EFT to tap away the reasons on your list.
• Affirm: Tap in the shifts as affirmations.

This whole process could take you maybe 10 minutes. Compared to how long you can spend stalling, that’s a drop in the bucket. And now get going on your project!

Is this helpful? Leave a comment and share it on Facebook and Twitter.

Since I’ve been writing about getting away from blaming yourself, I thought it might be good to offer ideas of what to do instead. What’s the flip side of self-blame?

According to the thesaurus, the opposite of blame is applaud, commend, praise, and thank. So how can you do that for yourself?

Well, here’s one practice I love to do. It just feels so good and puts me in a great frame of mind at the end of the day. It’s originally from Jack Canfield, with a little twist of my own added to it. It’s simply called Appreciating Yourself.

This is a short exercise to do before you go to bed. You acknowledge all the little (and big) things you’ve done during the day and appreciate yourself for them. Doesn’t sound like much, but the impact of this little practice can be surprising. It’s different for everyone, but here are some possible benefits:

• Personally, my stress level dropped. Do you ever focus only on the things left to do? Wonder where the day went? Or criticize yourself for not getting enough done? Well, that was my story. This practice totally changed my perspective when I saw how much I was accomplishing.
• For some people, this can be a real confidence-builder as they give themselves the recognition we all want. Now they’re not so driven to seek approval from others.
• It can also help with gracefully accepting praise and compliments, if that’s a struggle for you.
• You might cut down on your self-critical remarks. This helps set a new norm for self-talk.

So here’s how the practice goes.

This exercise is best to do just before bedtime, when your day is still fresh in your mind.

Stand in front of a mirror. First, look yourself straight in the eye for a few seconds. Then maintain eye contact throughout the exercise.

Then say, “(your name), I appreciate you for the following things,” and follow up with:

• any accomplishments – personal, emotional, business, financial, educational, household, spiritual, interpersonal, etc.
• any personal disciplines you followed through on – dietary, exercise, spiritual practice, study, etc.
• any temptations you refrained from – staying up too late, watching excess TV, that second brownie, bad-mouthing somebody, etc.

Finish by saying, “(your name), I love you,” and continue looking into your eyes for a few extra seconds.

So it could sound something like this: “Janet, I appreciate you for the following things today: You got up early and did your spiritual practices. You ignored your craving for a sausage croissant and ate a healthy breakfast, and went to the Y and had a good workout. You had a good talk with Jackie and were honest with her. It made you both feel better to clear the air. You got those packages in the mail. You contacted the Yoga House about workshop space. You gathered your notes to write the blog post and put great TLC into it. You checked on the size for Jim’s birthday gift, and will really be getting him something he wants. Good job – not easy to buy for a 16-year-old boy! You wrote some great copy for your website. You called Robin back to set that appointment. You answered all your emails. You called the new graphic designer and started a good relationship with her.”….., etc.

Now go to bed, filled with good feelings, and beneficial neurochemicals flowing through your bloodstream.

Some people find it uncomfortable, especially looking into their own eyes, because it’s new. Some people feel embarrassed and some people even cry! That’s okay. Any discomfort soon goes away as you practice.

Here’s a PDF copy of the exercise for you to print out to help you get started.

(I keep a copy between the bed pillows so I don’t forget to do it.)

For extra punch

You can tap around the tapping points while you’re doing this exercise for even more powerful benefit. It’s another way of using affirmations with EFT– always a great way to work with your positive side.

So let us know how it works for you. Come back and leave a comment below.

Tapping is amazing for eliminating intense problems and chronic issues. It’s just remarkable, isn’t it? OK – that’s the big stuff. Are you remembering to use it for the little stuff, too? I’d hate for you to miss out on the smooth flow EFT can create in your everyday life.

No Drama Required

It doesn’t have to be a big deal to qualify for EFT. Any time your day is headed in a direction you don’t like, just start tapping. That’s how simple it is. For example, these scenarios are perfect for quick release with EFT:

• You feel a headache starting up.
• A work situation is frustrating you.
• You’re feeling pressured by a deadline.
• An issue at home is distracting you.
• You’re feeling a little overwhelmed.

Why Bother?

Maybe you’re figuring it’s too much trouble to tap, or you don’t have the time. But check your thinking here. Are you basing your decision on time it takes to clear a big issue. Think again… We’re talking about a matter of maybe five minutes max! That’s a pretty small investment for immediate peace of mind, isn’t it?

I Just Won’t Let It Get To Me

Or maybe this is your objection: I shouldn’t HAVE to tap on this. I should just buck up and get over it. Aren’t I more spiritually developed than to let this get to me? I’ll just blow it off.

I have news for you: bucking up usually involves pushing down. So the matter hasn’t gone away. It’s just gone underground to interfere in a more hidden way, and possibly mushroom into a larger issue.

Nobody’s looking…just use some EFT to get rid of it!

I’ll Do It Later

If you’re thinking you’ll deal with the problem later, that’s fine. Just be aware that a couple of things will probably happen. First, the concern will sap your energy in the meantime as you’re pushing it aside (and holding it there). AND the problem will likely take more time to clear because you’ll have to bring it back into consciousness again.

On The Plus Side

Beyond the obvious benefit of feeling better, here’s why doing EFT on the little stuff is a great option:

• It only takes a minute or two, with no need for doing the setup. You’re completely tuned in to the problem right now.
• You have no time to build up resistance to letting it go. So the release will go quickly.
• Your focus and overall energy will improve by releasing it.
• With the emotional charge gone, you can find a solution to the actual problem much more easily.

—————————————————–

Are you passionate about what you do? A spirit-centered entrepreneur who has given your soul to your business? Then it’s time to take it back! Seriously.

There’s a misconception that causes problems for many business owners – and artists and performers, too. It’s this: If I love what I’m doing, I need to give it my all. I need to sink my soul into it.

So What’s The Problem?

The problem is one of boundaries. You are separate from your business (or your project, work of art, etc.). You are not your business. If you give your whole soul to your business, then your soul is on the line with every business move you make. That is way too much to risk!

Here’s what happens:

1. You take business transactions personally. This interferes with your client and vendor relationships.
2. You’re devastated when something doesn’t work out right.
3. You’re afraid to take risks because some part of you knows there’s too much at stake.
4. You wait to get everything perfect before you try something new.

But I NEED to Be Passionate!

Being passionate about what you do is a wonderful thing. And that’s what you need to do instead. Be passionate ABOUT it. Bring your spirit TO it. Wrap your soul AROUND it.

And all the while, you’re keeping your spirit intact, your soul connected to YOU, your passion in your heart. You’re not cheating your business or your art. In fact, you’re giving it the freedom to really bloom.

Imagine The Benefits

Now you can me more objective. You can bounce back quickly from glitches. You won’t be nearly as stressed out because you’re not putting your very essence on the line with every decision you make. You may even sleep better!

Use Tapping To Help

Here are a few ways to help yourself with this:

• If you have trouble letting go of the myth that you need to give your heart and soul to what you do, put EFT to work. You can read how this works at Tapping To Clear Unwanted Beliefs.
• Old habits can hang around sometimes. Help yourself by tapping in some affirmations about your new perspective.