Heart-zooming is a technique I want to share with you. It’s a way to bypass our differences in thoughts or words and connect at the deepest place with people we come in contact with. And it works great with animals, too!

Here’s how it works:

I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Please let us know by leaving a comment below.

Everybody runs into a snag at some point with deciding — whether it’s a chronic problem or just a once-in-a-while thing. Sometimes it’s a real problem. EFT can be such a big help with the process, so you can get moving again.

Choosing to Not Decide

Let’s talk first about NOT making a decision. Can you see that this in itself is actually making a decision? You’re deciding to NOT decide. And that’s not always a bad thing. Maybe a wise part of you knows that you need more information to make an educated choice. OK. Nothing wrong with that.

Just be willing to see that you’re making a choice to not decide. When you accept that, next you can ask yourself WHY you’re not deciding. The answers will help you move forward. And those answers are all tappable. Cool! I know you’ve heard me say this before, but here it is again: Let go of any self-blame about it. Self-blame really keeps you stuck, and makes issues harder to release.

The Perfect Decision for All Time

Another block to making decisions is the belief that the decision will be chiseled in stone once you make it. If you think you have to make a decision that you can stick by no matter what, that’s a lot of pressure.

That’s why you stall out – you have an inner going on between the part that thinks your decision needs to stand for all time, and the part that knows it may need to change. The answer? Build in a margin of flexibility. That’s what relieves the pressure. It doesn’t mean you’re making a weak decision with no real backbone to it. It means you live in reality and want to bring all your best to what you do – including modifying decisions when called for.

How To Tap On This

Setup (karate chop point)

• Even though I have big concerns about making decisions, and they are getting in my way, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
• Even though I have these negative feelings and beliefs about making decisions, I appreciate who I am and I want to appreciate my feelings.
• Even though I have all this decision stuff that’s been bothering me for a long time, I want to love and accept myself anyway.

Tapping – The Challenge (tap around all the points)

• All this decision stuff holding me back.
• These fears about deciding.
• Afraid I can’t do anything about it.
• Feeling ashamed and embarrassed about it.
• This decision anxiety.
• What’s the matter with me?
• This frustration about deciding.
• This pain about making decisions.
• I’m afraid to make a decision.
• What if I make the wrong choice?
• Maybe if I wait long enough, somebody else will decide.
• I’ve made bad decisions in the past. What if I do that again?
• I need to make the perfect choice.
• Forget about it. I’ll just decide later.
• I feel like such a wimp.
• Why am I so indecisive?
• It’s just a part of who I am.
• What will other people think of my decision?
• It’s all too much pressure. I just can’t decide.

OK. Now you’ve moved out some of the negative thoughts and feelings, and of course if there’s more left, continue tapping on it until the emotional intensity is down to at least a 3 on a scale of 1-10.

When you’re ready, move on to tapping some more affirmative phrases. Here are some to get you started.

Tapping Towards the Positive (tap around all the points)

• This remaining decision stuff – I’m starting to let it go.
• I’m releasing the leftover anxiety.
• I’m letting go of the frustration.
• I’m choosing to trust myself.
• I like the feeling of taking charge.
• I choose to trust my resources.
• I allow myself to maximize all my resources.
• I’m carrying forward my wisdom from past decisions.
• Each decision is giving me more practice.
• I honor my own courage and strength.
• I appreciate my gift and talents for making good decisions

Let’s hear how this works for you! Leave a comment below and share your decisions.

Maybe you experience envy often, or maybe just every once in awhile. For some people it’s almost an automatic response. Whatever the case, it’s an uncomfortable feeling, and EFT is a great way to shift that.

Digging Deeper

Let’s start by digging a little bit deeper into this whole envy thing. It’s actually a form of fear of not having enough. You feel envy when somebody else has something you want and you think that there’s some problem with you getting it — either you’re not going to get it or it’s going to take too long. And then your head can start playing with thoughts like: “They don’t deserve it and I do. Why don’t I have it? Why do they have it?”

It’s a reaction that can run from a mild twinge of envy to being obsessed with it and angry and contemptuous towards the other person, maybe making unpleasant remarks about the person who has what you have – all the way to trying to get other people to join with you on hating the person who has more money or the perfect body or the dream home or whatever it is that you want.

All of this is just a feeling response to an observation. The cool thing about that is that you can choose different feelings – a different response. That’s where EFT can come in handy – to eliminate the unwanted feelings so you’re just left with your observation that somebody has something you want.

It’s Not All Bad

That doesn’t have to be a negative feeling. Envy can be turned on its head where you notice that you’re feeling a little bit of it and just back up. Now you’re just noticing that this is something that you want.

That’s not bad to notice that. Your noticing could turn into a goal or an objective of yours. Or you might ask yourself if you really do want it and why you want it. That’s what we’re going to do with tapping, to put you back in a position of choice about how you emotionally respond to noticing something that you want that somebody else has.

How To Tap On This

Setup (karate chop point)

• Even though I have this envy and all this stuff connected to it, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
• Even though I have this envy and I’m a little embarrassed and anxious and frustrated about it, I still want to accept myself and accept my feelings.
• Even though I have this envy that’s been with me for a long time, I want to love and accept myself anyway.

Tapping – The Challenge (tap around all the points)

• All this envy and everything connected to it.
• This feeling that I can’t help it.
• Feeling embarrassed about it.
• The ways I blame other people and circumstances.
• This painful envy.
• I just want what other people have. Is that so bad?
• I think I should be able to have it too.
• It’s not fair that they have it and I don’t.
• I’m afraid I’ll never get it.
• I deserve things. Why don’t I have them?
• Some people have all the luck.
• What did they do to deserve it?
• Aren’t I as good as they are?
• I should have it instead of them.
• All this envy – it makes me feel like a kid.

Tapping Towards the Positive (tap around all the points)

• I’m choosing to shift my perspective.
• It’s OK to notice what I want.
• That’s helping me to focus my energy.
• I’m choosing to let go of this negativity about what I want.
• I’m in charge, and that’s my decision.
• It’s nice to notice what I want. It’s natural to compare myself to other people.
• That helps me know what I want for myself.
• I’m choosing freedom from the fear of never getting it.
• I say let’s both have it. That feels really good!
• I’m looking forward to the possibility of a whole new perspective on this.
• I can use envy in a positive way.
• That’s what I’m choosing for myself.
• I don’t need to beat myself up for feeling a little envy.
• And I don’t need to get carried away with it.
• I choose to use it as a signal to say, Oh. That’s something that I want.
• Then I can focus on how to make it happen. That’s my choice!

——————————————–

How To Tap for More Effective Ways To Deal with Conflict

If you find yourself avoiding conflict, this radio episode of Moving Forward with EFT is for you. Listen to a discussion about the reasons behind it. Then tap along to release some blocks so you can deal with conflict in a way that works better for you.

Then come back and let us know what you think by posting a comment below.

Here are some tips for tapping to help with dealing with those difficult people in your life. These are tried and true techniques that can make a real difference in how your next meeting with them goes. So take a listen and tap along with this podcast:

Listen to
internet radio with JANET HILTS on Blog Talk Radio

Let us know how this works for you. Do you have any tips of your own to share? Leave a comment to let us know.

Do you want to feel better immediately about what’s going on right now? Tap on resistance. This is the one factor that’s always present in one form or another when you’re uncomfortable. So if you don’t know what else to tap on, start there.

I did this the other day. I was talking to a consultant who really knows her stuff. She was suggesting something I really didn’t want to do.

Bring On The EFT

Deep down, a part of me knew it would be really helpful to do it. I could feel myself drumming up a bunch of arguments against it. But I realized I wanted to open up to what she was saying, so I started finger-tapping on my resistance, and it disappeared so quickly!

By clearing the resistance right away, we came up with some ways to make the idea completely workable. Creativity and intuition are much more accessible with resistance and reluctance out of the way. This is such a perfect example of nipping things in the bud so it doesn’t blossom into a full-blown major issue.

Your Turn Now

You can do this, too. Think about it: No matter what’s going on with you, if it’s unwanted there is some resistance at work. Maybe the resistance is taking the form of anger. Maybe it’s masking your fear or your sadness. The point is, you don’t have to take the time to figure out if you want instant relief. If you know you’re uncomfortable, just start tapping on resistance.

If you’re by yourself, do the setup phrase, “Even though I have this resistance, I want to love and accept myself anyway.” And then start tapping on “this resistance.” If that’s not convenient, just do silent finger-tapping discreetly – behind your back or under the table – and know you’re focusing on resistance.

Bonus Benefit

Here’s a bonus: As the resistance dissolves, clarity arises. You’ll see the broader picture and the deeper issue (if there is one) that could use your tapping help. That’s what happened with me. I was afraid I couldn’t complete the task in a way that would be useful. And I was mad at myself for not figuring it out sooner. And I was embarrassed for not having it all together before we spoke.

All of those emotions showed up as resistance to hearing what was said. I had no idea all that other stuff was going on until I cleared the right-now resistance. I’ll bet the same clear picture will come into focus for you.

Why do you procrastinate anyway? For very good reasons. That’s right. And that’s the first thing to realize. It serves you in some way. It’s simply a response to something. So you have to look underneath that response – that behavior of procrastinating.

Often it actually makes you feel safe. There’s a fear underneath – It may go something like this: “If I get this thing done, they might expect more of me, and I’m not sure I can do it.” Or “If I get this done and put myself out there, someone might ridicule me,” or “Somebody else might be jealous.”

And those fears come from somewhere – not just out of the blue. They usually stem from something that’s happened before. And part of you remembers that and doesn’t want to go there again. So you procrastinate.

Other Reasons

There might be other reasons, too. Procrastination is an easy way to rebel. The scenario might go like this: “I’m not going to do this in your timeframe. I’m gonna do it on my own schedule.” – So the reason (feeling underneath) is anger or resentment. Or maybe you don’t like your job or that you got assigned this project. Maybe you’re mad because it’s not in the budget to pay somebody else so you’re stuck with it. Or you’re annoyed because you know your effort won’t be noticed or won’t be appreciated. So you procrastinate.

Sometimes it’s a way to stay emotionally connected to somebody – remember this is subconscious – but if your mom always procrastinated and you’re close to her, it’s another way that you’re alike. Another point of connection. Right?

Start With Questions

So what can you do about it? The first step is to do some investigation. Identify what the problem is – either on your own or with the help of a good GENTLE friend or coach. Especially be listening to yourself for illogical or childish answers.

Remember the tappable answers come from emotions – not from logic. And they often go back to things you learned very early – childhood things. So that’s why the answers might seem childish. Perfect! That’s what you’re looking for.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. If I stopped procrastinating, what would I be afraid of? I would stand out and they wouldn’t like me. I might make a mistake and then I’d be punished. I might be criticized or ridiculed. I’d be more successful than my friend/husband/sister/mother – and I might lose them – I won’t belong anymore. This is a really large emotional driver. We ALL want to belong.

EFT for this would consist of making a list of your fears and limiting beliefs and tapping to clear those.

2. What’s the benefit/payoff to procrastinating? Maybe it’s low-key revenge. “I can’t get what I want, so they can’t either.” Or “She’s not nice to anyone, so I’ll pay her back by making her wait for this.” Or here’s a big one: “I don’t want to do this anyway but I can’t say no. If I take my time, they’ll get the message.”

To use EFT here, you can clear the anger at the person, or another belief that you recognize is holding you back.

3. When did it start? For chronic procrastinators, this is a great question. Maybe the answer is “about 3 years ago.” Then ask yourself what big event happened then. Often it was a situation that made you feel out of control. Procrastinating – remember it’s a response – can give you a sense of having control.

To use EFT here, you can tap on that big event and clear the emotional charges around it. It’s amazing to watch your resistance just fall away. Resistance is really what procrastination is all about.

Let us know how this works for you by leaving a comment below. And if you want my help with your procrastination challenges, contact me and let’s get you moving!

Many people using EFT find themselves avoiding working on childhood events and issues. These are some “why”s I hear from clients:

• That was so long ago. I’ve already dealt with that in therapy.
• I don’t see what it has to do with me now.
• I don’t remember much about my childhood. Let’s work on current issues.
• I’ve gone back to my early 20s. Isn’t that far enough back?
• I should be over all that by now. I just want to tap on what’s bothering me now.

Darn Good Reasons

Sometimes the reluctance is really fear masquerading as logic. Your protective inner self (who’s doing a great job, by the way!) is scared it’s too painful to go back there. So it creates this avoidance with some darn good reasons.

Or sometimes the resistance is from just not knowing – not realizing how much more helpful it can be to go as far back as you can with meridian tapping.

So Why Bother?

Here’s the deal: Clearing childhood issues can have a larger positive impact on your life than probably anything else you can work on with EFT. It can hugely reduce the time spent tapping on your problems as they show up now. The positive impact of working on early issues shows up in ways you’d never imagine.

Why The Resistance?

Your brain is still physically developing until your 20s. So the younger you are, the more simply you process events. Feelings are huge and extreme when you’re a kid. Things feel like life and death, all or nothing.

As a child, you believe what you hear — especially from people you’re attached to. Events that wouldn’t phase you today feel really traumatic when you’re young. So your body, brain, and energy system register them as trauma. And that’s how they’re stored.

Even medical brain research shows that traumas are stored very differently in our brains. So childhood events have an enormous impact on your feelings, minds and energy systems. That’s why clearing them with tapping can create remarkable changes in your life today.

No Wonder You Avoid Going Back

When you think about a childhood issue, some of those early life-and-death feelings are triggered. That creates a fight-or-flight response in your system.

The most basic part of your being says it’s not safe to rock that boat. And your intellect responds with adult reasons (mentioned above) to leave it all alone. But staying safe is often staying stuck. Remarkable progress with tapping involves taking the risk of leaving that comfort zone.

A Metaphor To Consider

Imagine that as a little kid you have an artist’s palette to paint your life with, but you’ve only got 3 colors. Primary colors of red, yellow and blue. As you grow up, you expand your possibilities by mixing those colors in various ways. By middle age, you’ve got countless hues to choose from.

OK – now when a negative event happens when you’re a child, let’s say it alters that pot of red paint. It’s a little muddy now — not so clear and strong. Now think of all the adult hues that have some red in them. Each one of those will be affected by that — so the scarlet will be a little bit off. So will the purple. The oranges aren’t so bright. Pinks are muted.

Along comes tapping. When you go back and clean up that childhood event and un-muddy that red paint, amazing things happen. All those other adult colors are now clear and strong. You can’t predict all the ways that you’re affected by an early event. Likewise, you can’t imagine all the wonderful ways clearing it can affect your life today.

A Gift To Yourself

Do yourself a huge favor, and clear those early challenges first. The benefits are enormous. If you feel yourself resisting, ask yourself why. Maybe that little kid doesn’t want to have those big feelings all alone. You don’t have to do it alone — tap with a friend. Get another person’s energy working on the issue with you.

If you’re not feeling confident with tapping on your own, or feel overwhelmed by the thought of it, call a practitioner. Treat yourself to some skillful, experienced healing. You deserve it!

The end of the year for most people is a time to look back and review the previous 12 months. It’s pretty natural to do that. December 31st is a marker – a milestone of some kind for everybody. What can make it a challenge is when your reviewing method makes you feel bad. It’s really that simple, isn’t it? It’s not the facts that you’re reviewing that make you feel bad. It’s how you look at them and how you respond to the facts you see.

Which is GREAT news, because that’s where EFT can help so quickly. Tapping can’t change the facts. But it can help you let go of any crummy feelings and beliefs connected to those facts. The truth is that we always have a choice about how we look at things. I know sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. But again, that’s why tapping is so great – because it brings us back to that point of choice by clearing out the junk that’s clouding our perspective.

Start With The Good Stuff

Your tapping might work better for you if you stop for a minute first and bring to mind some good things that happened this year. Even if they’re clouded right now with those unwanted thoughts. Let’s dust them off anyway. Then when you clear the negativity with EFT these treasures will just be waiting for you, shining bright. Grab a pen and paper if you want to and make a few quick notes now.

• So where did you make some progress this year? Think of a few different areas. We’re not judging how much progress, or if it was enough. We’re just acknowledging progress. Ok – once again, where did you make some progress this year?
• OK, now what was something new you started this year? Jot that down.
• What new connections did you make? What new people are in your life now? Write down a few names.
• What did you choose to leave behind or release this year?
• What did you learn this year? Just write a few key words that will jog your memory later, when you can fully appreciate these things.

Bring On The EFT

Now let’s get back to clearing away any negativity that’s standing in the way of you ending your year on a positive note. Focusing on the challenge first, start with the setup:

- Even though I don’t really want to think about this year because I didn’t do enough, I still want to love and accept myself anyway.
- Even though when I look back over the year it doesn’t look so great, I want to appreciate myself and all my feelings.
- Even though it might be better to just move on into 2011 without looking back because it doesn’t feel good to look back, I want to acknowledge myself and love myself anyway.

And now for tapping:

• This negativity about the past year.
• These unwanted feelings and beliefs.
• I feel anxious looking back.
• This self-blame.
• This frustration about the past year.
• The pain of this past year.
• This negativity about 2010.
• I should have done a better job.
• There’s a lot I want to forget about.
• I wish it had been a better year.
• Things didn’t go the way I planned.
• And then there were those surprises that didn’t help.
• I’d rather just forget about it and move on.
• If only I had done things differently.
• It doesn’t feel too good looking back at this year.

Starting To Shift

OK. Let’s start to shift the energy into a more positive direction, and let’s clear out any possible subconscious resistance to letting it go with these next tapping rounds. Start with the setup:

- Even though I’m starting to let go of this negativity, a part of me is hanging onto a little bit of it. I want to respect both parts of me – the hanging on part and the letting go part.
- Even though it might not be safe to let go of more of this negativity because maybe it will keep me from repeating my mistakes, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
- Even though I still have some regret and anxiety about the last year, and some frustration and self-blame, I’m starting to let go of it and I want to continue releasing it now.

And now for more tapping:

• I can hold onto lessons learned and still release the negativity.
• I can feel my heart and spirit opening up.
• The dark cloud is shrinking fast.
• I allow myself to let go of regrets and guilt.
• I’m shifting my focus to the good things I experienced this year.
• I feel my body relaxing as I let go more and more.
• Maybe 2010 wasn’t so bad after all.
• I acknowledge myself for doing the best I could, the same way I always do.
• I’m willing to see the year in a whole new light.
• I give myself permission to feel good about it.

Back To Your List

Remember that list you made earlier of what went right? Now let’s re-focus on that and tap in some positive rounds. No setup needed – just start tapping.

• I can clearly see the progress I made this year, and I’m so grateful for that forward motion.
• I started some great new things this year and I acknowledge myself and everyone else involved.
• Some new people came into my life, and I’m always happy to make new connections.
• I did an amazing job of letting some things go. I appreciate what it took to do that. Woohoo!
• What a year of learning this was. I learned more about what I want to do and who I want to be, and that’s always a plus.
• I was a witness to some remarkable examples of positive things and I’m grateful for that. I’m choosing to hold onto those images and impressions.
• I had the sparks of some terrific ideas in 2010. My mind and spirit are wonderful generators of new thoughts.
• I saw clearly this year more things I want to release and I’m thankful for that clarity.
• My heart and spirit experienced healing and goodness in lots of little ways this year. What a blessing that’s been.
• My focus has shifted completely, and I love this new feeling.
• I choose to be thankful for the goodness of 2010.
• I get to decide how I look at my year, and I choose the good stuff.
• I’m choosing to carry my progress forward into 2011.
• I have turned regret into wisdom and blame into lessons learned.
• These are treasures I can bring with me into the new year.
• I have new relationships to enjoy.
• I have new things I’ve started and get to expand in 2011.
• I’m choosing enthusiasm because it really feels good.
• I acknowledge myself for the good I created this year.
• And I’m excited to see what’s coming next.
• Thanks, Universe, for all the gifts of this past year.

That feels pretty good, doesn’t it? Does it feel more possible to really end this year on a high note? Glad to be part of your 2010. Happy New Year!

How well do you keep commitments you make? The consequences can be really big for not following through when other people are involved. Relationships are affected by it. Trust is affected – not only your trust in yourself, but other people’s conclusions about how trustworthy you are. This is a big deal. All those judgments come into play about being dependable, reliable, responsible. Yikes! There’s a lot hanging in the balance.

The Commitment Challenge

So what’s the problem here? Why is it a struggle to keep commitments to other people? For many of us, it’s a simple matter of promising too much. Promising unconsciously without really stopping to think. Not wanting to say no, so we say yes to too many things.

It’s often not a matter of not wanting to keep commitments. It’s just making commitments in such a way that our abilities don’t match our intentions. We’re over-committed without the personal resources to follow through – and by resources I mean time, energy and motivation.

How many times do you look at your calendar and make a commitment just because there’s an unfilled spot on the calendar? It LOOKS like you have the resources to pull it off, but that’s really just a time slot.

Where’s your energy and motivation going to come from when you have no fun time built in? No wonder when the time comes, you can’t pull it together to keep that commitment. It’s mostly a matter of logistics. Where EFT can help is to eliminate some of the emotions and beliefs that drive us to commit beyond our capabilities.

How EFT Can Help

Let’s do some EFT rounds to help with this over-committed problem, so you can make commitments in a way that works better for you.

- Even though I commit to so many things that I can’t follow through on them all, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
- Even though it feels like I should be able to do all these things, but it’s not working out that way, I want to appreciate myself anyway – and that feels hard to do.
- Even though I get mad at myself for not keeping all my commitments, I want to accept myself anyway, because I’m really doing the best I can – same way I always do

• My calendar is full, but I hate to say no.
• It seems like I ought to be able to get all these things done.
• Other people can pull this off. Why can’t I?
• It’s just how things are these days. We’re all really busy.
• I just need to work harder and manage my time better.
• Nobody else can do these things.
• It’s selfish to want to have time to myself.
• I feel terrible when I can’t keep my commitments.
• It seems like it’s happening more often.
• I’ve just got too much to handle.
• Maybe if I kept a better calendar system.
• I think if I make a commitment, I’ll have to stick to it.
• Then when I don’t, I feel terrible.
• I’ve let them down, and I’ve let myself down.
• I just have to buck up and work harder.
• Maybe if I get mad at myself more that will work.
• But that just feels awful. I don’t  know what to do.
• People love for me to help them, so I hate to turn them down.
• And I’m so good at what I do, I feel like I should help them.
• There’s no room left for anything. I’m totally over-committed.

OK Stop tapping now.  If you want to tap to clear more of the negative, you can repeat those rounds, or continue on your own. But now let’s focus on the positive.

Tapping In The Solution

- Even though I’ve been over-committing myself, I’m ready for a change, and I love myself for that willingness.
- Even though part of me is still holding onto old patterns of over-commitment, there’s a wise and powerful part of me that’s letting go, and I appreciate all parts of me.
- Even though balancing my schedule is a new adventure, I’m up for it, and I’m ready to feel good about myself.

• I’m ready to give myself room to breathe.
• I’m willing to see some gaps in my schedule.
• I want to leave myself time to recharge my batteries.
• I’m ready to be more realistic in my commitments.
• Oh, maybe that’s too drastic.
• It feels really selfish. How can I say no?
• I’d rather say no up front, than no I couldn’t do it after I said I would.
• That’s just old thinking that’s not serving me.
• I’m willing to let that go.
• I want to try a whole new approach.
• I appreciate myself for what I can do.
• When I make a commitment, I’m giving my word.
• That’s a gift I have to give.
• I’m considering it carefully now, and that feels right.
• Where and when I give my gift is a precious decision.
• I trust my ability to make a sound decision.
• I value my commitments and so do other people.
• I’m giving myself time and space to make wise choices.
• I love the certainty that I can easily follow through.
• I love knowing that I can depend on myself. That feels great!

We’d love to know how that works for you. Leave a comment below and share what happens.