In my last post I shared a great EFT shortcut – tapping in resistance phrases at the beginning of your session, even before you do your tapping setup.

Here’s a short video to show you this big time-saver tip:

Try it out and come back here to comment on how it went for you.

“I don’t know where to begin tapping on this issue.”

Have you ever said this to yourself? You want to tap on your own, but you don’t even know where to start. Here’s what’s going on: There’s probably some part of you that’s afraid to begin. Most inner blocks boil down to some form of fear and this isn’t any different.

But I Don’t Feel Afraid

Not knowing where to begin with tapping is often fear about experiencing the feelings connected to your issue. It shows up camouflaged like this: “I don’t even know what I feel.” A lot of times that’s because you’re numbing out. It’s too scary to let your emotions surface. There’s a part of you that feels like it’s not safe to have the feelings that are hiding. That part is thinking, “My feelings are just too big. I don’t know if I can handle that. I need to keep a lid on it for now.”

So you feel foggy and confused, and maybe even depressed. Because those feelings are just being smashed down and hidden from you. It’s simply a protective device – emotional self defense. Remember – it’s happening for a good reason. No need to get upset with yourself about it. In fact, you can THANK yourself for coming up with such a creative way to keep you safe. It’s just that it’s now getting in the way of moving forward with healing.

There Is An Answer

EFT is the perfect tool here. You can tap to be willing to know what’s going on. You can tap to be willing to know in a way that UNDERwhelms you. To be willing to have clarity about what’s bothering you, and to simultaneously keep your power. You have the power to not be overwhelmed by how you’re feeling.

Actually, you’re exercising that power when you create the fog of unknowing. What you may not realize is that you have other ways to exercise that power. And you can use EFT to help you do that.

How To Begin

So here are some tapping phrases you can use to begin:

• I’m willing to know where to begin.
• I’m willing to know without being overwhelmed.
• I’m willing to calmly be aware of my feelings.
• I’m willing to support myself.
• I’m willing to ask for any help that I need.
• I’m willing to be in control of my life.
• I’m willing to heal without traumatizing myself.
• I allow myself to heal.
• I have no need to experience more pain in order to heal.

One of the joys of EFT – and what makes it so wonderfully different from other ways of emotional healing — is that it does NOT have to be painful.

What’s Next?

Use the phrases above to get started. This will relax you enough to get access to your own feelings information that you need to continue tapping on the issue you’re thinking about. Click here for a refresher course in the steps for doing EFT on your own.

The end of the year for most people is a time to look back and review the previous 12 months. It’s pretty natural to do that. December 31st is a marker – a milestone of some kind for everybody. What can make it a challenge is when your reviewing method makes you feel bad. It’s really that simple, isn’t it? It’s not the facts that you’re reviewing that make you feel bad. It’s how you look at them and how you respond to the facts you see.

Which is GREAT news, because that’s where EFT can help so quickly. Tapping can’t change the facts. But it can help you let go of any crummy feelings and beliefs connected to those facts. The truth is that we always have a choice about how we look at things. I know sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. But again, that’s why tapping is so great – because it brings us back to that point of choice by clearing out the junk that’s clouding our perspective.

Start With The Good Stuff

Your tapping might work better for you if you stop for a minute first and bring to mind some good things that happened this year. Even if they’re clouded right now with those unwanted thoughts. Let’s dust them off anyway. Then when you clear the negativity with EFT these treasures will just be waiting for you, shining bright. Grab a pen and paper if you want to and make a few quick notes now.

• So where did you make some progress this year? Think of a few different areas. We’re not judging how much progress, or if it was enough. We’re just acknowledging progress. Ok – once again, where did you make some progress this year?
• OK, now what was something new you started this year? Jot that down.
• What new connections did you make? What new people are in your life now? Write down a few names.
• What did you choose to leave behind or release this year?
• What did you learn this year? Just write a few key words that will jog your memory later, when you can fully appreciate these things.

Bring On The EFT

Now let’s get back to clearing away any negativity that’s standing in the way of you ending your year on a positive note. Focusing on the challenge first, start with the setup:

- Even though I don’t really want to think about this year because I didn’t do enough, I still want to love and accept myself anyway.
- Even though when I look back over the year it doesn’t look so great, I want to appreciate myself and all my feelings.
- Even though it might be better to just move on into 2011 without looking back because it doesn’t feel good to look back, I want to acknowledge myself and love myself anyway.

And now for tapping:

• This negativity about the past year.
• These unwanted feelings and beliefs.
• I feel anxious looking back.
• This self-blame.
• This frustration about the past year.
• The pain of this past year.
• This negativity about 2010.
• I should have done a better job.
• There’s a lot I want to forget about.
• I wish it had been a better year.
• Things didn’t go the way I planned.
• And then there were those surprises that didn’t help.
• I’d rather just forget about it and move on.
• If only I had done things differently.
• It doesn’t feel too good looking back at this year.

Starting To Shift

OK. Let’s start to shift the energy into a more positive direction, and let’s clear out any possible subconscious resistance to letting it go with these next tapping rounds. Start with the setup:

- Even though I’m starting to let go of this negativity, a part of me is hanging onto a little bit of it. I want to respect both parts of me – the hanging on part and the letting go part.
- Even though it might not be safe to let go of more of this negativity because maybe it will keep me from repeating my mistakes, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
- Even though I still have some regret and anxiety about the last year, and some frustration and self-blame, I’m starting to let go of it and I want to continue releasing it now.

And now for more tapping:

• I can hold onto lessons learned and still release the negativity.
• I can feel my heart and spirit opening up.
• The dark cloud is shrinking fast.
• I allow myself to let go of regrets and guilt.
• I’m shifting my focus to the good things I experienced this year.
• I feel my body relaxing as I let go more and more.
• Maybe 2010 wasn’t so bad after all.
• I acknowledge myself for doing the best I could, the same way I always do.
• I’m willing to see the year in a whole new light.
• I give myself permission to feel good about it.

Back To Your List

Remember that list you made earlier of what went right? Now let’s re-focus on that and tap in some positive rounds. No setup needed – just start tapping.

• I can clearly see the progress I made this year, and I’m so grateful for that forward motion.
• I started some great new things this year and I acknowledge myself and everyone else involved.
• Some new people came into my life, and I’m always happy to make new connections.
• I did an amazing job of letting some things go. I appreciate what it took to do that. Woohoo!
• What a year of learning this was. I learned more about what I want to do and who I want to be, and that’s always a plus.
• I was a witness to some remarkable examples of positive things and I’m grateful for that. I’m choosing to hold onto those images and impressions.
• I had the sparks of some terrific ideas in 2010. My mind and spirit are wonderful generators of new thoughts.
• I saw clearly this year more things I want to release and I’m thankful for that clarity.
• My heart and spirit experienced healing and goodness in lots of little ways this year. What a blessing that’s been.
• My focus has shifted completely, and I love this new feeling.
• I choose to be thankful for the goodness of 2010.
• I get to decide how I look at my year, and I choose the good stuff.
• I’m choosing to carry my progress forward into 2011.
• I have turned regret into wisdom and blame into lessons learned.
• These are treasures I can bring with me into the new year.
• I have new relationships to enjoy.
• I have new things I’ve started and get to expand in 2011.
• I’m choosing enthusiasm because it really feels good.
• I acknowledge myself for the good I created this year.
• And I’m excited to see what’s coming next.
• Thanks, Universe, for all the gifts of this past year.

That feels pretty good, doesn’t it? Does it feel more possible to really end this year on a high note? Glad to be part of your 2010. Happy New Year!

In the last post, I promised you some tips about how to use EFT to help you use self kindness as a strategy — and a habit. Here are my tapping suggestions:

These are the steps to take to start using self kindness on a regular basis for yourself:

1. First, investigate your resistance to making self kindness a deliberate strategy. Get quiet and listen to the little voice inside your head that tells you why it’s not a good idea to do that, and stirs up fears about it. If you’re not using self kindness, it’s because a part of you has some good reasons for that. So listen for those reasons, those fears and beliefs. And then write them down.

What beliefs come up for you? They could be things like:

• I’ll lose my motivation if I’m too nice to myself. I won’t feel like doing anything.
• I don’t know how to do it. The people I know don’t do this.
• It’s going to be too hard. Maybe it’s impossible.
• I don’t know what I’m doing. This sounds crazy to me.
• I don’t know if this can help me. What’s the point?
• Etc. (whatever comes to mind)

Write those down.

2. Then take the whole list and cluster them together as a package. Now measure the emotional impact of that package on a scale of 1 to 10. How strong is that resistance of all those fears and beliefs together? And write the number down.

3. Then start tapping. Do one round of “This resistance to self kindness.”

Then do a few rounds of tapping, giving voice to the resistance. You can just read off your list as you tap.

Continue tapping until you get your resistance down to a zero.

4. The next thing that you can do is to create some positive statements and tap those in as affirmations. For example:

• I easily go to self kindness first thing.
• I love how it makes me feel.
• My self kindness is contagious to the people around me.
• Etc. (whatever comes to YOUR mind)

Have fun creating the list. Then just tap those affirmations in as a practice, first thing in the morning.

What do you have to say about it? Give it a try and let us know.

This is a question that comes up a lot for clients– maybe not in those exact words or with that clarity. Often not even at a conscious level. But the question is there in some form.

Not having an answer to that question might create fear, which can keep you holding onto inner junk — junk you know you want to get rid of.

Then to make things worse, there’s a common belief that can boost your fear and it’s this: If I release one thing, it will leave a hole, a void. So I can’t let go until I have something else lined up to replace it. I need to control what will rush in there to fill that hole.

Good News

The great news is that you already have what you need. Because YOU fill the void. The real essence of who you are without problems and issues. The healthy, happy you.

Beliefs that don’t serve you and unwanted feelings are like mud covering a jewel. And you are the jewel. As you clear the mud away, the jewel begins to sparkle.

What if you replace your fear with curiosity? How about asking yourself, what color is the jewel? How does it look in different kinds of light?

You really don’t have to be afraid. Sure – you may be surprised, because you may not have seen the jewel in a long time.

But you can approach it with positive expectancy and curiosity about what the essential you really looks like. It’s been there all along, no matter what has happened in your life. Really. Even if crummy stuff began when you were very young. Just because you lost sight of that naturally comfortable, happy you doesn’t mean she stopped existing. She’s just been hidden by the layers of stuff that you’re now letting go of.

A Real Life Example

My artist client Jamie described her issue as “being afraid to lose my edge if I didn’t have fear and dread to motivate me to get things done. How was I going to stay motivated?” In other words, what will fill the hole if I let this go? Don’t I need to plan something else to take its place? Another way to stay motivated?

After releasing the dread with EFT, she said, “Allowing myself to experience the ‘empty-ness’ of losing fear as a constant companion in my daily planning actions helped me to see how fully it had been part of my life, and to recognize that whatever was coming in to take its place could only be a richer and more successful way to lead my life. For me, I don’t know if there’s a word that describes what motivates me now. Clarity, lightness, focus…”.

That clarity, lightness and focus is the real, essential Jamie shining through. Now her motivation is totally sustainable and energy-producing instead of energy-draining. Because it’s coming from the real Jamie – the essence of who she is. Just like it can for you.

So whatever you’re wanting to let go of, rest assured that only good will fill the space that opens up. That’s the natural way it works. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. Once the negativity is released, good shines through. Every time. I’ll leave it to you to explain and describe the process.

I get so excited, like a kid in a candy store, because I get a little glimpse of each client’s essence and can’t wait to see who is really in there, just waiting to shine! I hope I can infect you with some of my own excitement so you realize you can trust what will fill the gap left by some junk you let go of. It’s the naturally happy, peaceful you!

Bonus Tip

If you’re tapping on your own, this fear of the void sometimes shows up towards the end of your session and can slow or stop your release. Just check to see if that’s what’s going on, do some EFT on that specific fear, and continue to let go.

How has this question shown up for you? Leave a comment below.

Being specific is a cardinal rule of effective tapping. If you’ve studied EFT, you’ve sure heard that before. So what exactly does that mean?

Choose Your Issue

The first place where it’s important to be specific is in choosing your issue to tap on. For instance, “worthiness” is a very broad topic. Tapping on that probably won’t change it much. You need to narrow it down.

Listen To The Voices

An easy place to start is to listen to your self talk about it. Chances are that the old voices in your head aren’t using the term “worthiness.” What phrases do you hear? OK – I know they’re not too pleasant, which is why some people don’t want to go there. They feel safer with more generic terms or therapy terms. Or maybe with spiritual phrases or metaphysical terms.

But those likely aren’t YOUR terms. That’s not the language your subconscious has linked to the unwanted feelings you’re seeking to change with EFT. In my experience, tapping goes much more quickly when you use your own words and phrases. So take a listen. What’s the old tape that’s playing?

No Need To Suffer

While you’re preparing to tap and investigating the details of your issue, you don’t have to hurt. In fact, you can get more useful details by keeping a little distance. Having the crummy feelings while trying to clarify your issue can create resistance to seeing what’s going on.

So just back off! Pretend you’re a reporter asking yourself questions. Or close your eyes and picture yourself literally stepping back a few steps from the issue — still close enough to see things clearly, but stepping out of the middle of it.

How Specific Language Helps

There are a couple of ways getting to your own words can help:

1. The way you conceptualize the issue gets clear. Maybe the worthiness-related words you hear in your head are “You can’t do anything right. You’ll never amount to anything.” That’s not exactly the same issue as someone else who hears, “Be grateful for what you’ve got. You’re never satisfied, are you?” Can you see how those are distinctly different? So the way you’ll tap on them will be different.
2. The second way your own words can help is that they can be roadsigns for your tapping map. They can point you to the origins of the limiting beliefs and crummy feelings associated with low self-worth. Ask yourself, “Where did I hear those words?” The answer will give you some real specifics to tap on. Now you can pinpoint a person and/or incidents connected to those words. Now you’ve got an effectively tappable issue!

Being specific in these ways can reduce your time, energy and frustration when you tap. Give them a try and let us know how it goes by posting a comment.

EFT is a great self healing tool. Your day-to-day life can be much more pleasant, tapping as you go. If you’re annoyed at traffic, improve your drive by tapping (use one hand only, please!) on “this annoying traffic” or “this road rage,” depending on how bad it really is.

Or if you wake up anxious, you can calm yourself and start off the day well by tapping on “this anxiety.” If you stub your toe, get rid of that distracting pain by tapping on “this toe pain.”

But if you want to get rid of those deeper issues that interfere with your success and happiness, working with a skilled practitioner can be much more effective. Read on to learn some reasons why this might be a good choice for you.

Painful Issues

Working on painful issues by yourself can be tricky business. You may unknowingly avoid some aspects to keep from feeling the old pain. You may have trouble staying focused. It’s remarkable what our subconscious defense system will do in trying to protect us. You might put it off — some part of you doesn’t want to face it alone. A practitioner can help with all these factors.

Chronic Issues

If you’ve carried a problem for a long time — physical or emotional — there’s probably a core issue beneath those symptoms that keep showing up. You may work for a long time on your own, trying to get to the bottom of it. A skilled EFT coach can quickly find the root of that problem and help you clear the chronic issue.

Patterns of Emotions

If you have a pattern of being anxious every day, or mad all the time in traffic, you can tap on those symptoms and get relief. But that’s a lot of repetitive work. Wouldn’t it be great to clear the cause of the pattern? Practitioners know how to ferret out what’s really at the core of those patterns and help you to release it. Then you can get freedom from the pattern — not just freedom for that episode.

HOW Practitioners Can Help

For more particulars about the ways practitioners can sometimes get better results than you can on your own, read more here.